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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Guard Your Heart (06/08/12)

TITLE: I am what I am
By debra little


The accountability of one’s self stems from the actions of his or her daily life.
The ins and outs of every single second , the here’s the there’s, and the every where’s.
Have you ever just sat there and wondered about it and what if? What if I had not met this man and married him? What if I had not let him change my life and use his actions as an excuse to be and angry all the time?

I sit here at the computer writing as always from my heart. My emotions melting into the words on the page. I think out loud how different would my life be if I had made better choices for myself and my children. The many mistakes I have made laid before me as if someone had laid out their clothes for the next day. Each one staring back at me as if to say “Why did you do this”, there are no answer that I can give.

We read in the bible that out of your mouth the heart speaks. Does God take into account the heartaches, abuse , sadness and bad times that to you are the reasons why Anger spills out instead of love when we speak? I sit and wonder for hours at a time just how does he keep all this in mind when there is so much of it in this world.

I find myself combing through Bible scriptures looking for answers….

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?


Proverbs 14:30 NIV A heart at peace gives life to the body.

If you are like me you will literally beat yourself up over mistakes., thinking on the many chances God has given you to repent, to change your heart towards someone, or just to forgive yourself.

You know, my mother used to tell me that I never tipped the scale in one direction or the other. I would do so much good, and then in turn would do so much bad that it just never changed. So does that mean my heart or the truest part of it., where my soul lies will be forever be in conflict with the waves of good and evil? Will it never be forged with the protective armor of God, or is it forever doomed to be a target for Satan’s corrupt pleasure.

1st Corinthians 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain;

God said we are to be strong trusting in him to protect us from all evil even when it corrupts our very hearts and souls. We cannot be abusers to one another sending our heartaches and misfortunes on to other people. If we do not have an ounce of compassion, love, and care in ourselves to fight through the adversity how can we find it possible to spread good and kindness to others thus protecting their hearts from perishing?

Every beat of this body every decision I made
Each promise broken trying desperately to keep
The price paid for deception , My heart screams “it is too steep’
I look to the darkness and just a crack of light appears
til the doorway is Open and my name I hear..
The Darkness opens to the light, For it is the lock on the door
of my soul and God holds the key

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This article has been read 412 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Laura Manley06/15/12
Wow! This is full of passion, compassion and downright makes this reader think! I enjoyed your descriptions which showed me your feelings, instead of telling me. I think a lot of people can relate to this piece. There are a couple areas of improvement; one, be sure you proofread as I found a couple sentences where I knew what you meant, but you had either left out a word or a word was there that didn't make sense. The other thing is that when speaking of God as "he," we should always show reverence and capitalize the "H." Besides those couple of things, I think you presenting this very well and it gave this reader pause to think about her own life. Very good!
Laura Manley06/15/12
Oops, speaking of proofreading; I should practice what I preach re my last sentence! :-)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/18/12
This is a though-provoking piece. In the beginning I was saying yep. uh huh, yeah do that too. I could so relate to that horrible what-if game I play in my head. What if Mom hadn't died so young? What-if I hadn't caught this debilitating illness, what if I smother my husband's snores so I can get some sleep (Just a joke I never once let that thought enter my head:))

I have a few little bits of red ink. Make sure you add which translation of the Bible you quote. Also an ellipses should always be three dots ,,, unless it is to show a thought that continues but it is the end of the sentence and then it's three dots and a period ,,, , (The experts argue if there should be spaces between them, as long as you are consistent it doesn't matter. I also noticed you said you literally beat yourself up over mistakes. I'm not sure if you do truly punch yourself or perhaps use cutting as a means of punishment but I would clarify it. Maybe you meant I beat myself up emotionally by reliving each mistake and looking into the mirror and shout, "Loser!" By writing it like that you show the reader instead of tell and that's more powerful. Even if you did mean it literally I think something like I look in the mirror and hate who I see there as I raise my fist and slam it into the side3 of my face as a punishment that I believe is well-deserved. There are people who do do that and it would be a great way to connect with the reader in which ever way you truly meant it. By showing us, you leave no doubts.

I loved how brave you were to share such intimate thoughts with the reader. It drew me in immediately as my heart hurt in remembrance of going through several different situations like the one you described. The verses you selected are a perfect match.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/18/12
I always try not to read the other comments before I read the story. I respectfully disagree about capitalizing He when used with God. That is a matter of style choice. as long as you are consistent, it doesn't matter. I did notice you capitalized Anger and I didn't say anything because I thought you were trying to personify it but it should be lower-case or made more as a person with more descriptions. I still think you did an awesome job. :)
C D Swanson 06/20/12
Nicely done. Great job with this lovely piece. I enjoyed the entire entry and the strong message that is conveyed. Thank you.

God bless~