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The accountability of one’s self stems from the actions of his or her daily life.
The ins and outs of every single second , the here’s the there’s, and the every where’s.
Have you ever just sat there and wondered about it and what if? What if I had not met this man and married him? What if I had not let him change my life and use his actions as an excuse to be and angry all the time?
I sit here at the computer writing as always from my heart. My emotions melting into the words on the page. I think out loud how different would my life be if I had made better choices for myself and my children. The many mistakes I have made laid before me as if someone had laid out their clothes for the next day. Each one staring back at me as if to say “Why did you do this”, there are no answer that I can give.
We read in the bible that out of your mouth the heart speaks. Does God take into account the heartaches, abuse , sadness and bad times that to you are the reasons why Anger spills out instead of love when we speak? I sit and wonder for hours at a time just how does he keep all this in mind when there is so much of it in this world.
I find myself combing through Bible scriptures looking for answers….
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
or
Proverbs 14:30 NIV A heart at peace gives life to the body.
If you are like me you will literally beat yourself up over mistakes., thinking on the many chances God has given you to repent, to change your heart towards someone, or just to forgive yourself.
You know, my mother used to tell me that I never tipped the scale in one direction or the other. I would do so much good, and then in turn would do so much bad that it just never changed. So does that mean my heart or the truest part of it., where my soul lies will be forever be in conflict with the waves of good and evil? Will it never be forged with the protective armor of God, or is it forever doomed to be a target for Satan’s corrupt pleasure.
1st Corinthians 15:10 But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain;
God said we are to be strong trusting in him to protect us from all evil even when it corrupts our very hearts and souls. We cannot be abusers to one another sending our heartaches and misfortunes on to other people. If we do not have an ounce of compassion, love, and care in ourselves to fight through the adversity how can we find it possible to spread good and kindness to others thus protecting their hearts from perishing?
Every beat of this body every decision I made
Each promise broken trying desperately to keep
The price paid for deception , My heart screams “it is too steep’
I look to the darkness and just a crack of light appears
til the doorway is Open and my name I hear..
The Darkness opens to the light, For it is the lock on the door
of my soul and God holds the key
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