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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Question (05/24/12)

TITLE: will you commit
By matt renkema


The institution lying within the intellectual cranium, holds a silent auction, buying every material paraphanalia to consume the pleasantries of the flesh. I am a sphere gazer, frowning upon this mishap of a world whose desires are evil. Loneliness is on the front cover of every fashion magazine, bodies aren't just being manipulated, but the very wills to infatuate young woman's minds. This is a devastation, for now their bodies and minds are not aligned, and some have developed disorders as a result. Then as we read in the tabloids, the bitter sweet tastes of revenge and gossip fill our grocery markets, it either makes them more famous or it makes people talk trash, mostly the latter. The thought behind the institutional cranium is were supposed to use it not flunk it, with rot to come out of our mouths. God made our intellect, use it wisely and don't slander, these people you slander they have lives and souls as much as you and I, so don't go delivering sin to them off the tip of your tongue. Be a true disciple, taking up your cross daily, not being futile in your ways, so you might show the rich mercy and grace, for they are lonely at heart and need your consolation, and empathy. Plant the seed of the message of Love and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Are we going to be servants to the world and hold an aution and sell your flesh, never wearing it again, always taking on the Spirit of God, or will you hold on to those pleasantries, because you care too much about what you can gain in this world and not enough of the treasures in Heaven? My question to you in this whole thing is which person will you be, how committed are you if you say yes, and how serious are you willing to obey His commands?

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This article has been read 150 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Camille (C D) Swanson 05/31/12
All wonderful questions in a powerful piece. Nicely done. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks. God Bless~
Jody Day 05/31/12
Compelling and powerful, this entry has some interesting imagery. Nice job.

Your hard work would be a little easier to read with a little more white space.

I enjoyed reading this.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/02/12
You have some dynamic points in this short but to the point essay. I think you brought up some good points.

Some suggestions to make your article even better - break it into several small paragraphs and double space between them. You may want to check message boards to fi d a challenge buddy to help you catch errors like --woman's should be women's and aution instead of auction, along with some punctuation polishing.
I was worried that it was off topic, perhaps if you asked the question in the beginning and then again in end it would bring your story full-circle.

I really admire the way you are able to string your words together so they come out as poetry. I could so identify with the loneliness part. I've seen people give up their respect and dignity in exchange of not feeling lonely. You do a wonderful job of making the reader think.