The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/24/12
This was a cute story and brought a good message forward. Nicely done. I loved the wrap up with the scripture. Thank you.

God bless~
I absolutely love this piece. Paulie is quite the character and he charmed his way into my heart.

Be careful with run-on sentences and incomplete ones. At first I thought some of the sentence structure needed polishing but as I read I liked it because it helped me to relate to the little guy even more.

Make sure you capitalize Mommy when used as a name (When it doesn't have a my, his, or the in front)

The ending was a touch of genius. I didn't see it coming at all. You did an outstanding job writing on topic while still delivering a powerful message.
Congratulations for placing 10th in level one! Happy Dance!