The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/24/12
Nice job with outlining elements of "risk" and dangers to our souls. The story of Esther has long been a favorite of mine.

I enjoyed this pertinent message. Good job.

God bless~
You make some great points. I often look at my childhood and wonder had I survived to motherhood by sitting on the tailgate of the truck while hanging my feet over the edge. Or riding bike and horses bare foot or building tunnels by stacking bales of hay. Of course we never had bike or horse helmets.

Some suggestions-use short paragraphs and double space between them. Also make sure you start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks.

In the beginning you said you'd give several examples but you only listed one. You did give more examples later but in between was a bit about parenting.

Also you don't need to tell the reader you looked for Bible verses just quote them making sure you give reference including type of translation.

You did a great job of illustrating your points. I liked how you shared personal examples that back up your points. You may want to focus on just one thing either risks or self- denial. You did a nice job of tying the two together but with the word limit it shortens your ability to thoroughly write about both.

I think you did a great job of writing on topic. Though you did switch between first person (I and later we) then later to second person (you) you still shared an important message without coming off as preachy or sanctimonious.

Keep writing you have a great deal of natural talent. I have no doubt that God will use your words to touch more people in ways you can't imagine.
05/30/12
This piece is certainly on topic. I enjoyed reading it.

I agree with Shan's suggestions. It was a bit repetitive in the type of examples given. We do have that word count to think about.

Good job, keep writing!
Congratulations for placing 11th in level one!