The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/01/05
I liked much of this, the inadvertant rhymes actually broke the pace in several places. This is a good effort, and with work could be a great effort at free verse.
11/01/05
I agree, I thought at first this was free verse material, and now and then the rhyme came in. Nice, descriptive though. God bless ya, littlelight
11/02/05
Mmmmmmmmm, I can just smell it!

I agree with Dub, it should be all rhymed or all free verse; the occasional rhymes kinda throw one off.

Great choice of descriptive words!
11/04/05
I really liked it. Have to agree with the others that it is strong enough to stand alone as prose. Very good imagery. Thank you for taking me back to yesteryear!
God Bless and keep writing!