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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fame (05/10/12)

TITLE: BoBo's Death
By Cynthia Dawson


While sleeping very peacefully one morning I was jerked out of my sleep by the most gut wrenching screaming you have ever heard! It scared me to death. I fumbled out of bed so fast that I nearly slammed my head into the dresser as I tripped over a shoe.

Running from my bedroom to the kitchen I now realize my 2 yr. old son was the one screaming. As I rounded the corner, all wild eyed and my hair standing on end I saw my small son crumpled on the floor. He was crying so hard his tiny face was purple and his body was shaking like a leaf on a tree during a terrible storm.

As I landed on the floor next to him, nearly falling on him because I was moving so fast, I start searching. I see no blood; no bruise nothing to indicate a wound or anything else that would indicate a reason for this screaming.

Calming down I pulled him into my lap and said “son what is wrong”?

The jumbles of attempted words coming out of his mouth were like trying to understand someone speaking a foreign language. So we sat there and we rocked. I kept telling him he needed to calm down so I could understand what was wrong.

Finally between waves of tears this beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed baby of mine finds the strength to talk. He points his tiny finger toward a kitchen chair and said “Matthew killed my Bo Bo monkey”.

I know I sat there for a moment thinking that I have certainly misunderstood this little darling. How could his brother have killed his stuffed toy?

Slowly I turned my head in the direction of the chair that was holding the beloved Bo Bo monkey.
I nearly choked to death when I saw the monkey laying there. Trying to hold in laughter and maintain some sense of being the adult in control was like trying to not breathe.

There lying on his back was Bo Bo, one arm hanging off of each side of the chair and both legs hanging off the other side. His lifeless little face covered in red blood. His mouth was full of blood. The blood was running down each cheek with the speed of frozen molasses.

Standing on the other side of the kitchen was Matthew looking at me like he had no clue what my problem was or why his little brother was crying so hard.

I grabbed the reins of my emotions and ask him what on earth was going on.
His first response of course was that he had done nothing. After an interrogation that would have put an FBI agent to shame I discovered that there had been a conversation as to whether the stuffed monkey could swallow catsup or not. Trying to solve this scientific question Matthew and our middle son Jonathan took BoBo to the kitchen and proceeded to test their theory to see who was right and who was wrong. Shawn walked in during this testing faze and assumed the red to be blood.

It took several hours to clean all the catsup off of BoBo’s face, to get the stains out of his yellow shirt. Finally he was returned to the land living stuffed animals. This task was made even harder because of having a small child glued to my leg the entire time.

Yes life with my three boys has always been entertaining. Days like this happened more often than not. I never did come into the world I dreamed of. Fame and fortune were not to be mine. There would never be thousands of adoring fans or more money than I knew what to do with. The fame I searched for came to me, not in the manner I dreamed of but in the hearts of my little boys. They could have cared less about movie stars and models. Their focus was on mom and that made me famous to them. Now when I sit back and think about the fame I once sought and the fame I ended up with I realize I was blessed by God to get the latter. That meant more to me than fancy clothes, money or my name in lights could ever mean.

This is a true story, no names have been changed. We still have BoBo Monkey. That is the only major incident he was involved in, I can’t say the same for the boys. He now rests comfortably in his old age and is quite content.

Word count 720

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This article has been read 385 times
Member Comments
Member Date
C D Swanson 05/18/12
Awwww...this was so adorable, and so fun to read. I smiled, at the situation with the ketchup!
Hahahahahahahaha. Great imagery, and wonderful descriptive words.

Loved how the mom summed up what truly is important in life...and what "fame" really is. Nicely done.

Thanks for the smiles.

God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/19/12
This is such a sweet story. Oh how brothers can torment their siblings! You did a great job of building the conflict until it came to a satisfying end.

There's just a few little things. Try not to repeat major words in the same paragraph. For example, in your first sentence, by tweaking it just a bit, you can avoid repeating any form of sleep and if you take out the very it packs more punch. something like this--
While sleeping peacefully one morning, a gut-wrenching scream jolted me to my feet.
I just switched it around some and added a comma and a hyphen.

Then a bit later you went from past tense to present and back again.

I couldn't help giggling at the scene you painted so vividly with your words. The fact that it is a true story made it super sweet. Nice job.
Allison Egley 05/21/12
Tehehe this is great.

My only suggestion would be to include some more dialogue. For example, I would have loved to have heard the conversation between you and the "suspect." No, you don't remember exactly what was said, but this is there you get to take a bit of "creative license" as an author. Don't just tell us that your interrogation put the FBI to shame... show us. :)

I loved this. It reminded me of my own "Nearly Decapitated Baby Grow" story...
Joe Moreland05/22/12
I love this story. Slice of life tales like this always make me smile, and this one is delightful. Great job in the beginning of building suspense, and then switching to humor. Your characters are great, but I agree that dialogue would be a better way to show us more.

Great job!
lynn gipson 05/22/12
This was priceless. I remember my older brother playing these kinds of pranks on me. I really like this. great job.
Graham Insley05/22/12
A great 'real life' story that I loved as I went through fear into humor. I enjoyed every bit if it. But two things:

The hook at the beginning would have been much stronger with the 'jolted to my feet' as already suggested. Sleep once, but don't just wake up, jump in fear.

A little closer proof reading would have revealed a more; the change in tenses as mentioned before and the correction needed in this sentence, 'Finally he was returned to the land living stuffed animals.'

I loved the point of a mum's fame. What mum wouldn't be grateful for this truth?

Thank you.
Edy T Johnson 05/22/12
Well, aside from some minor points of editing, I wouldn't change a thing. I just love your storytelling ability in your writing! You are beyond "Beginner" level in my book and I can see an audience of young and old listening with mouths open to catch every word.

You sure know how to grab a reader with your opening "hook." And, you keep the suspense going as you develop the plot and introduce more characters. The build up to the "moral of the story" is well done and makes your point (and the challenge topic) fit! Congratulations on a job well done!
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/23/12
Poor Bobo! I love the way you built the suspense and kept the humor at the same time. It's obvious you are "famous" to your boys!
C D Swanson 05/24/12
Congratulations! Nicely done. God Bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/24/12
Congratulations! I'm super happy for you!
Carol Penhorwood 05/24/12
Congratulations on a well deserved win! I loved the way you told the story. Well done!
Marina Rojas05/24/12