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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Weary (05/03/12)

By brian ward



What do you want. Shouts Able the elderly gentleman inside the lighthouse . Dear sir my father has called upon you . Well my son come in . Be still my heart for you are pattering away for is this not the house of sorrow full stories I have heard as a young child. He slowly opens the door to the winding staircase leading to the round room on high . Well Able says. Startling the young man . What is your name and how may I be of assistance? Well sir my name is Paul I travel from the province to north west called Israel . Three weeks ago I had a vision in which my father the Lord our God gave me a message to seek out a man of your stature and skill . I have come unto you for a mission of the up most importance. Tho I am feared for my life for I have heard stories of your abold . It has been said that while residing here that a person's mind could become belligerent and torture the soul . Oh I see . Well Paul I understand your solice, if you would rather we could step to the great wall that protects this land from tyranny and high waters . Motioning for the young gentleman to follow him to mountain side behind the light house to a bench covered by trees. As they sat the old man told the story of how his family had built up the plantation in which they sat. The tale of a young man who lost his wife and daughter during the birthing process and of how he spent many of years asking God to deliver him from his burdens . Now with a heavy heart Paul say's unto Able sir I have come to you this day for my sister and brother are lost at sea . I pray that you see favour with me and you except my patronage I have taken the liberty to hire a ship for your journey and ask you please help I have no more money . All I have is the love of my family and we are all in sombering moods for we fear the worst. Well my son your father has made a wise choice in sending you on a journey of faith it shall prove to be a great character builder. As for if I shall take the journey you ask of me let me pray . Return to this place tomorrow when the sun is at the highest point of the day and I shall have a answer for you. Until then we must hasten quickly back to our quarters for the nights here can get quite brisk. The next day young Paul awoke early with the roosters crow for he had a busy day . As the day slowly came to an end Able was gathering himself together fore he had been in his study fasting in prayer seeking that the Lord would grant him the strength and the ability to fulfill this young mans request . When he finally felt that he had Gods blessing he arose from his kneeling place. As Able made his way to the bench by the wall. There stood young Paul eagerly awaiting the old man. As Able approached Paul he saw the young man crying. What are you doing youngster? Why do you shed these tears ? Well sir if you must know I received word today that my mother has become ill and may not see her family together before she passes. You see sir I am weary of this life. Paul please take my hand. The good book tells us worship and rejoice for he is our God! I shall take this journey for yesterday I was but a weary fisherman but today I am Gods fisher of men with a purpose of life and obedience. I thank you my child for you are Gods answer to my prayers.

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This article has been read 419 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/12/12
You have a beautiful story in this piece.

The only thing is without paragraphs and punctuation and quotation marks. It's very difficult to read. You have some wonderful natural talent that just needs some polishing. Perhaps you could check the message boards for a critique group or a challenge buddy.

I'd hate to have anyone miss this lovely message because they were overwhelmed by the format. You did a nice job covering the topic in your story.

I love the idea of a lighthouse, a beacon looking for the lost what a perfect metaphor. Keep writing and don't get discouraged. Only you can tell the stories God puts on your heart.
C D Swanson 05/12/12
This was a wonderful story filled with pivotal moments of importance with the message it brought.

Nicely done. I won't go into the "paragraph" issue, Shann mentioned it already. Perhaps it is automatically doing that. I know it happened to me a couple of times. You can "preview" how it will look before you hit submit.

But, a really powerful story that held my interest, and made me realize you have the "gift of writing" I look forward to more entries from you.

God bless,

brian ward05/12/12
Thank you both your critiques were taken with great importantance. I look forward to working with this site for a time of no less than forever. You both have been a blessing to me I was afraid I wouldn't receive anything good. I have been writing since I was a child but never posted or formatted anything. I will take your advice but unfortunately I believe that the device I am using will not allow for certain editorial fixes. Please if you feel the urge to help I will surely not deny you. I could use all the help I can receive. Thank you again. Brian ward