The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/12
This was a fabulous story. I could see this in a Christian magazine, one of inspiration. It held an air of authenticity, was this a true story?

It was well written, I felt the weariness of the MC as she struggled to get to the gate in time. Powerful, and intense. Great job.

I loved it! Thanks.

God Bless,

Camille~
This is a nice story. There is nothing like moving to make one weary.

Try doing more showing than telling. For example when Mandie saw the bike show how she would react. Mandie jumped at the rumbling of the motor bike. She shifted in her seat to see out the mirror, her jaw fell open when she noticed how shiny it appeared.

I really liked how you built the conflict. Though the mysterious angel is a common literary device, I have no doubt that God does send angels to us. For it is only with his strength that all things are possible. Great message.
Congratulations for placing 12th in level one!