The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 271 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/10/12
Oh, the need for sleep and the fires that lead us to Jesus! I hope you didn't mean this story to be too serious; I thought that bit about him falling asleep then being woken up by the alarm was rather funny. Thanks for the witness at the end and the wonderful message overall!
05/11/12
This is a great story. Your intro was to the point and set the feel for what was to follow.

May I offer some thoughts? The section where Josh calls 911 is very factual. It tells us what he did, and what was said. This is really robbing you of words that could be used to describe how Josh is feeling. What dialogue is going through his head? Blame? Guilt? Anger? Hopelessness? These are the things that help take us into the character's world and identify with them. For example, if we take the hopeless train of thought, we can then develop the "aha!" moment when he starts talking to Officer Kent, and is reminded of the hope we always have in Jesus, no matter what happens.

I really hope this helps, and doesn't come across as anything other than a heart to help you be the very best writer you can possibly be.

Well done on a great story that really hit the topic spot on. Blessings, Helen.
05/12/12
Great job with this piece. I enjoyed the entire message that certainly nailed the topic perfectly.

The weariness clearly apparent. I loved how the fire chief helped to give him some "Godly counsel." The Lord does such a wonderful job placing people in our path that can provide vital messages for our benefit.

I loved it. I pray the MC gets some needed "rest" in the Lord. Thanks.

God bless,

Camille~
This is a nice job of polishing it and I know you put a lot of work in it. You still need to work on building the suspense and making the dialog feel more natural. The message at the end is lovely and it will touch many hearts.