The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/10/12
Wow, I love the way Teddy's weariness got turned to joy at the end. That was quite a surprise package. Great job!
05/12/12
Loved the ending, it gave me goosebumps! What a marvelous story. I really enjoyed the entire piece.

Nicely done. Thank you for this.

God bless,

Camille~
This is a great story idea. You did a nice job showing the topic in this piece.

Try doing more showing than telling. Instead of the typical tag lines like she replied or he said try something that shows the reader what is going on. For example, "My life is all over, guess I'm alone now." His eyes filled with tears as his wrinkled, tough hand trembled. It lets the reader know what is going on with the speaker and helps paint a picture.

Overall, you did a great job making the characters believable. The ending was great and the message is lovely. You stayed on topic and left the reader with a sense of hope.
I really enjoyed the article. I could see the weary old gentleman in my mind as I read it. I'm not sure if it is due to the limited word count or if it's just me, but some of the story seemed to be rushed through. I wish it would have been book length I think it would be an outstanding read.