The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/10/12
I love the way Nana's prayers were answered and that part about the man who looked like a hippie. I'm so glad the children got to safety! The topic does seem a bit more relegated to the beginning of the story, and not as much at the end. On the whole this was very well written. I look forward to reading more.
05/10/12
I was so afraid the dad would catch them, and then so relieved when the "hippy" picked them up just in the nick of time and took them to Nana's house.

Fabulous ending! Loved it! Jesus to the rescue!

You won't be at Level 1 for long with this kind of writing!

Great job!
Great story!
05/12/12
This gave me goosebumps when the "hippie" picked them up. Oh praise the Lord...Our refuge and our protector, Jesus Christ.

Loved this entire piece. Suspenseful, well written, and on topic. It touched my heart. I was so thrilled they made it to safety.

Thank you for this. Superb and unforgettable.

Bless you,

Camille~

This is a good story. You did a great job of building the suspense. Even though I suspected the mysterious man was a servant of God, I could still feel my heart pounding just in case he was a worse man than the man they ran away from.
I enjoyed the story. You kept me hanging on the entire time and guessing what would happen next. I thought the "hippie" might be a kidnapper at first but very quickly realized it was Jesus. That was the only part that didn't keep me guessing long.
05/15/12
You made me cry. You told a very good story:)
05/16/12
This story moved very smoothly from beginning to end. I suspected who the man in the white car was, but I still couldn't wait until the ending to see for sure. If you are looking for constructive criticism, I would suggest you spellcheck your entries, not because you have any misspellings, but spellcheck also checks grammar. In one of your sentences you have repeated a something in your sentence. Other than that one thing, I loved your story!
05/17/12
A well told story of God's intervention.

Good job and thanks for sharing.
Congratulations for placing 9th in level one!