The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/03/12
Oh my! This made me cry with happiness and relief at the conclusion. It was so beautiful and such a powerful entry...thank you.

GOd Bless~
05/04/12
The beauty of how this man and his family was turned around by the miracle of God was very uplifting. Sometimes we have to be reminded just what is important in life; this man nearly lost everything before he got the message. I was very moved by this story. Good writing1
05/04/12
Exquisitely written, well told tale of real riches.

Excellent writing!
05/05/12
This story really gets to the heart of the matter. So often we don't realize what we have until it is gone.

I realize you used pronouns so that anyone could relate and put themselves into the story and learn the lesson without the heartbreak. For me personally, I would have a deeper relationship with the characters if they had names and if you did more showing than telling. There were definitely some sentences that did an excellent job of showing. Ex -- this sentence paints a vivid picture in my mind, Gasping for breath, he reached cautiously toward the door and pushed it open.
However when he is remembering it goes into a more telling type of style.

Overall it was a suspenseful story. The first sentence will grab any reader's attention right of the bat. The ending was quite touching too. You covered the topic while still delivering a powerful message. Nicely done.
05/08/12
I really enjoyed your story. Great job.
05/10/12
Congratulations and God Bless~
05/11/12
Well done! A good story, well written.