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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Rich (04/26/12)

TITLE: I Am Not A Monster
By Vicki J. Cypcar
05/02/12


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April 28, 2012
For the first time since I left Sutter’s Creek I’m going home tomorrow for my ten year high school reunion. My friends have always called me a money hungry monster; because I always wanted to be rich.

April 29, 2012
My dad was so happy to see me he cried. He introduced me to the front desk clerk, her name is Kelly Griffin. She’s a beautiful woman - even without make-up.

April 30, 2012
I was at the library using the internet service. Kelly was there sitting on the floor reading to a group of children. Afterwards she came over to say hello. I asked her how much she gets paid to read to kids. She looked at me like I was a monster.

May 1, 2012
Kelly came in to clean my cabin. She cleans in exchange for room and board. She says she loves working with my dad and he has been like a father to her. I asked her why she didn’t continue her education. She told me she has a Bachelor of Arts degree. So I asked her why she is still cleaning cabins. She looked at me like I was a monster.

May 3, 2012
I’m beginning to really like this place. Each cabin has black and white photos hanging on the walls. My favorite is hanging above the fireplace in the main cabin. Today Kelly told me all of the photographs were taken by my dad. My dad is amazing.

May 4, 2012
I went to the local YMCA to work-out while dad taught his photography class. I asked him how much they pay him to teach class. He looked at me like I was a monster.


May 5, 2012
Dad was the photographer for the reunion today. I picked up my camera for the first time in ten years and took some photographs. My classmates figure that since I am rich I must be happy.

May 7, 2012
I’m back to work in L.A. My client Mrs. Monroe thinks I’m taking notes about how she wants her kitchen remodeled. I’ve already revised the blueprint eight times. I’m beginning to think all of these rich, well-manicured people with the Casper white teeth are never happy.

May 9, 2012
Tonight I went out on my balcony for a smoke. The sky is a khaki brown color. To quit smoking here would be pointless.

May 10, 2012
At lunch my rich friends were snobs and rude to our waitress. When I asked them to show some common courtesy they said I was losing it and I need to see a shrink.

May 11, 2012
I took Brooke to Maxwell’s for lunch and realized I’ve never seen her without make-up. On the walk home we saw a homeless man panhandling. I gave him five dollars – Brooke got angry and asked me why I would do such a stupid thing.

May 13, 2012
I was standing barefoot at the end of the pier, realizing my world is superficial. I am rich but I feel bankrupt. I have everything - and I have nothing. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, dropped to my knees…and prayed.

May 14, 2012
I gave my two weeks’ notice. My boss got so angry he had a security guard escort me to my car.

May 15, 2012
I broke up with Brooke. She threw a mango smoothie in my face. I told her I was sorry, and to prove it she could have my Corvette. She took the keys and told me we could still be friends.

May 16, 2012
I donated my furniture to the rescue mission, packed my belongings into my Subaru Outback and left L.A.

May 17, 2012
I was standing on the porch of my cabin breathing in the mountain air when I decided to throw my cigarettes away.

May 18, 2012
We drove to Angels Camp for the Calaveras County frog jumping contest. We got some great photos of the frog that accidentally jumped into Kelly’s picnic basket.

May 19, 2012
Dad and I began renovating the cabins today and then went to The Honest Tea House to visit Kelly at her book signing.

May 20, 2012
Today I sat on the floor at the library and read Kelly’s new book to a group of kids. Afterwards Kelly looked at me, smiled, and gave me a hug – I don’t feel like a monster anymore.


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This article has been read 236 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 05/03/12
Loved the style of this entry. It was so interesting the way it was presented. Good job with describing the epiphany that was bubbling up inside of the MC. It was slowly building until it exploded into a harsh reality of love and truth.

Great job. I loved simply loved it!

God bless~
Steve Uppendahl 05/04/12
Very cool and unique format. I like it. Impressive job showing the development and changing of a character with few words. My only issue is a great deal of changes happen almost on a daily basis. I think stretching out the entry dates a bit would help. At least for me. Excellent job.
Marina Rojas05/04/12
I liked the 'diary' format...it's good to show a progressive train of thought.

And I loved the fact that the MC was moving towards his riches a little at a time, and thinking things through a day at a time.

Good job!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/05/12
Wow what a brilliant piece of writing. Having it in a journal format was a great way to say all you did and remain under 750 words.

My only red ink would be with some of the punctuation. For example, you only use the semi-colon when you have two complete clauses. Each part of the sentence should be able to stand on its own. I also saw some spots that could use commas. I almost didn't mention this at all because it is a journal entry and it is quite probable that the punctuation could be wrong.

Overall, I thought it was a well-written piece that was definitely on topic. I almost felt guilty reading it because it seemed so real that I felt like I was invading someone's privacy. The repetition of the monster phrase worked so well. The changes in the MC's outlook was gradual and natural. He didn't have a light-bulb moment but more of a deeper understanding of himself. This is my favorite piece so far this week.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/05/12
This is funny. I try hard not to read other comments before I read the story and comment on it because I don't want to be influenced by other opinions. I thought you did show a gradual epiphany and did it well. I noticed someone else thought it was too sudden which just goes to show you that these feedbacks are just one person's opinion. Keep writing, you have a great deal of talent. :)
Adele Butler05/05/12
I like the way you told this story in the form of your MC's diary. It was interesting to see him transform from a "monster" to a man who learned what it truly meant to be rich.
CD Swanson 05/10/12
Congratulations and God Bless~