The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/03/12
Wow! That strong and beautiful lady from Kenya is a powerful reminder for us all. That image is now burned into my mind, and I oft times am in awe of the spectacular men, women and children in Africa. God's treasures.

Thank you for this story that resonates a gripping splash of reality for the readers.

GOD Bless~
This is a nice essay. The singoe line at the beginning intrigued me and drew me into what was next.

You may want to work on transitioning to help the piece read smoothly. Showing not telling is one way to do just that. For example, instead of comparing your job to riding a motorcycle (not everyone will be able to relate to that) try showing us what working outside was like something like this--
As a young man, working outside provided a sense of freedom, the wind in my hair and the feel of dirt on my fingers uplifted me. What joy filled my heart until my decisions changed my life. That's probably a tad cheesy but I hope it helps show what I mean.

I was fascinated by the Faith movement and wanted to learn more about it. I thought it was quite clever to show a personal example first then compare to a lesson from the Bible. It helps people understand what points you are4 trying to make. You did a nice job of writing on topic and bringing the story full circle.