The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/26/12
This was an original and cleaver entry...it kept me riveted as I raced to the ending with a smile on my face. Nicely done and nicely told.

God bless~
04/26/12
Nice descriptive wording. I am going to share your story with a cousin's daughter who is in college on a track scholarship.

Wing His Words!
I really enjoyed this piece. I thought it was quite clever. I debated about using a race as a metaphor too. That millisecond it takes to look back can cost the race.

You may want to shorten your first paragraph so as not to overwhelm a reader (especially with a short story it's good to have short paragraphs) You used the phrase all evidenced of how nervous I was You didn't need to add that because you already did an outstanding job of painting the picture of someone being nervous.

This was a great read from beginning to end. I could feel myself wanting to yell, "Don't you dare look back!" Nicely done.