The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/26/12
Beautiful job and beautiful message. God bless all those who hear the call of the Lord leading them to be missionaries. Great job.

Thank you. God Bless~
This is a sweet story. I liked how you showed the message without coming off as a lecture.

Some of the dialog didn't feel natural to me. There were a lot of repeating words. It's not a huge thing but is easy to fix. Take the first three lines. It would feel more natural like this. "Hey, George, been looking for you. I've got great news." It's a tiny change but to my ear sounds more like what friends would say. Also a piece is two words.

You did a nice job bringing the story full circle. I really liked all the excuses given for not wanting to listen to God. I do that all the time but he never gives up on me.

I also enjoyed the part about giving just what you need. Recently my daughter decided she wanted to go to a specific college but we were short the money. In mere days God provided us the exact amount she needed. You did a wonderful job showing that in your story.
05/03/12
I thought this was an excellent story...keep up the good works...God Bless