The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/26/12
Hahahahahahaha... This was a funny and cute light hearted entry. Thank you... I could really see the MC running from the little critter without looking back!

Thanks. God Bless~
I really enjoyed this. You had me chuckling throughout it as I pictured poor Nina doing her job.

I think this would make a delightful picture book with a tad bit of polishing. When writing for kids, try to keep the sentences down to around 8 words or less (also make the paragraphs shorter). For example this sentence -- Occasionally, when she went into the hen house, there would be a harmless bull snake slithering across the floor looking for eggs to eat or even in the nests where the hens laid their eggs. -- has over 30 words in it. That's a tad long for adult stories. You can tighten it up like this --Occasionally, she'd entered the hen house and saw a harmless bull snake. He slithered across the floor, searching for an egg to eat.
I made the verbs active and broke it into two sentences.

I giggled throughout. I thought the ending was perfect. I didn't expect a skunk at all and I really like it when I'm surprised. You did a great job covering the topic in a fresh way. This is a great story and I really enjoyed it and am eager to read more.
04/27/12
From someone who used to collect the eggs at home, I salute you!

The story was cute, the surprise ending was great and it sure brought a chuckle to my heart when I flashed back to all of the surprises waiting for you when you "pick" the eggs.

Ya did good!
04/29/12
Funny ending, but if I encountered snakes or skunks it would be no laughing matter! Thanks for taking us along to the hen house.

Wing His Words!