The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/26/12
Wow! I love the suspense and the happy ending in this one. How wonderful to know that even when we look back, He's there to catch us!
04/26/12
Oh my heavens I was on the edge of my seat with this suspenseful entry. I am so thrilled all ended well. God is amazing isn't He? Great job with the subject, very original piece. Fresh out of the box with creativity.

Loved this - thank you.
God Bless~
This is a great story. Especially fitting because there have been so many tornadoes already this year. I have no doubt that God placed this story on your heart because it will make a huge difference in someone's life. you likely will never know, but I feel strongly that God needed you to tell this story now.

A few comments -- First try to avoid that pesky passive verb was. Instead of using it and a gerund use action verbs instead. Ex in this sentence -- Jim had disobeyed her and was looking at the funnel cloud -- you have two passive verbs have and was just changing it to Jim disobeyed her and looked at the funnel cloud. Just this slight change tightens the sentence and gives the reader more of a picture.

Another thing is write out numbers (some say under 100 others say under ten) also instead of 1/2 you should write that out too. a half of a mile away.

I enjoyed your characters. You grabbed my attention in the very beginning and held it until the end. I could feel the conflict and anxiety pouring out of the page. You did a nice job of telling an important message while still staying on topic. Nice job!
04/27/12
I enjoyed your story; I like the happy ending that had an important lesson attached to it.

I would suggest just to re-read your work before submitting for the little technical slip ups (paragraph spacing, starting a sentence without a capital letter). I always make sure I read my stuff "one last time" and sometimes end up with goofs on my stuff, so I know from where I speak LOL.

Again, really good story, I enjoyed reading it very much.
04/29/12
Gripping story! I could feel the mother's panic in her search for her son, especially in the two word plea, "Answer me!"

Wing His Words!