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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Donít Look Back (04/19/12)

TITLE: DON'T YOU HATE IT?
By Graham Insley
04/24/12


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I am trying to run from a problem that I know I have to face and God, in His inimitable way, keeps slapping me in the face with it. Doesnít He realise I want to ignore it for awhile? If I leave it alone it might resolve itself or at least become less overwhelming. God and I obviously have a different opinion on this issue. I think God should let me get away with ignoring it for a little longer; He thinks I should deal with it now. But Iím getting ahead of myself here; you donít even know what Iím talking about.

First let me say that to open up and be totally honest is a little scary, and Iím afraid Iíll look like a bit of a fool. But I think the confession will be part of the healing. And I also believe that honest sharing of struggles is a key part of our faith. As Christians we are on a journey to expose our carnal mindsets and bring about the victory of transformation. When that happens we have a testimony to share. But before the testimony of victory comes the battle. And Christians tend to gloss over that part and deny it. But Iím still avoiding my issue, arenít I?

For many years I have felt God calling me into a full time ministry. I have always run away from this for many different reasons. I canít begin to share with you all of those reasons, some of which are still not even understood by me, but one or two of them are pretty obvious and probably common to most of us. They are best reflected by a series of questions.

Will people accept a sinner like me? Who do I think I am to believe I can help others when my own life has been such a mess? Iím just a common old hacker on a typewriter, why would people bother to read what I write? How will I ever survive financially in full time ministry? Who will pay my bills? What happens when I canít pay the rent? And, of course, all of this leads to the big one.

Whereís my faith?

I think that last question is being asked by God; and really this question is the sum of all the questions and the one most needing to be answered. And donít you really hate it when He isnít prepared to let it go unanswered. As I said at the beginning, He is firmly getting my attention and bringing the issue to me in several different ways.

Lately, my finances have fallen into a big hole. A cyclone helped destroy my business and I now have to find a new way to support myself. Iím not destitute, but nor am I wealthy and able to just sit back. So God has my attention about my future. But I still end up asking questions like, ďSo what do you want me to do, Lord?Ē

I started to play with the thought of writing and joined an online group called ĎFaith Writersí. This group has a weekly challenge where writers are asked to put in an article on a specific subject each week. This is my third week attempting to meet this challenge and it has not been easy. But even here, God is speaking loudly to me.

My first subject was ĎHolidayí. It is easy after years of hard work, when it all suddenly comes to an end, to think. ďOh well, Iíll take a break for awhile.Ē But I am not on holiday and I need to prepare for what God is calling me to next.

The second subject was ĎThree Fold Cordí. A very firm reminder that I do not now do what I want to do, which would probably be something very lazy, but I must step into what God wants and bind myself to His business, done His way and through His provision. But then comes the final, big subject.

ĎDonít Look Backí. That challenges all the questions with one simple directive. As Luke 9:62 makes clear, once the hand is put on the plough there remains only one direction; forward.

You donít need faith for a walk in the park, but we must push on in faith, with no regrets or backward glances, to enter into His calling for our lives.

Bless you.


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Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 04/26/12
I felt your heart in this powerful entry. Your resolve in wanting to go forward is apparent, at least to me...and I feel God will lead you to where you need to be.

As Christians we all struggle with the "battlefield" of our minds...But, we know how to go forward, only through His grace and His help. This story touched my heart and your words will touch many.

I believe you have already "started your ministry" right here...God will take you through the rest.

God Bless you abundantly~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/26/12
This is a well-written essay. You did a great job of asking the reader and yourself some thought provoking questions.

Just a couple of little things. Don't tell the reader what you're going to do. ex. -First let me say that to open up and be totally honest is a little scary
Don't tell me you are going to say it, just say it. (also there should be a comma after first)- Rewording the sentence just a tiny bit goes from telling to showing. ex. Opening up and honestly examining my life scares me. My palms start sweating and my knee trembles at the thought of appearing foolish.
I tried to stay true to what you were saying while trying to paint a picture for the reader.

The other thing is generally it is discouraged to write about FW and the challenge because the EC entries go into an anthology where the reader may have no knowledge of the site or the topic. You did a nice job explaining it so I think any reader would understand but I wanted to point it out just in case.

I could so relate to your MC. I run from God all the time. I often joke that he needs to throw bricks at me to get my attention. Finances have been a worry for me as well, but just when we need it the most God comes through. The latest example is I was worried how my daughter would be able to afford the Christian College she wants to attend next year. I wanted her to go to a less expensive state school. She received her scholarships and grants and came up $5,000 short. I prayed and called the financial aid office to explain I had health problems. They decided to see if they could find more money for her. meanwhile I was pushing the State School. Guess how much more money they offered her? Yep just what she needed %$5,000. god does take care of us and you did a great job illustrating that point. I still need to be reminded every now and then. God bless you for following what he placed on your heart and sharing it with me. :)
Catherine Maher04/26/12
Isn't it too cool how, when we are going thru something, EVERYWHERE we go or look or read, HE is saying the same thing to us. He truly is everywhere. I enjoyed reading this and yes I can relate. I guess we all can at different stages of life.
Donna Wilcher 05/03/12
I'm so glad you threw this brick! I almost missed it.

I appreciated this entry for so many reasons, and really liked it when you said...

"First let me say that to open up and be totally honest is a little scary, and Iím afraid Iíll look like a bit of a fool. But I think the confession will be part of the healing. And I also believe that honest sharing of struggles is a key part of our faith. As Christians we are on a journey to expose our carnal mindsets and bring about the victory of transformation. When that happens we have a testimony to share. But before the testimony of victory comes the battle"

Amen and Amen! Confession (coming out of denial) is the first step in walking free from "anything" that holds us captive or in bondage. Including our fear of stepping out in faith in obedience to God.

Shann is right, because you have mentioned the "Challenge" this entry may not be eligible for the FaithWriter's publication. However, it remains a very POWERFUL testimony of your struggle to trust in, and follow God's leading in your life.

This entry would give many readers hope, and I do pray you share it anywhere and everywhere you can.

I enjoyed this very, very much!

Consider this my "Two Thumbs Up!"
Edmond Ng 05/03/12
A very well written piece, I believe many of us can identify with you, especially of God's direction and the topics for challenge writing. I like the way you approach the topic starting with avoidance and then leading it to the main point. The lesson to learn from your story comes through very well. It reminds me of Psalm 139:8-10. Thanks for sharing this.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 05/03/12
Congratulations for ranking 8th in level one!