The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/26/12
Oh, what a creative piece. I didn't know it was an operation until the end. Marvelous work!
04/26/12
Excellent job with this piece. You crafted this brilliant entry in a suspenseful way and also surprised me at the end... Which is the sign of a great writer - fooling the reader!

I loved it. Thanks!

God Bless~
I absolutely love the first half. In fact, I thought this would be in the running for one of my favorites.

However, when you got to the dream part, I stopped holding my breath. Now don't get me wrong I absolutely believe that God talks to us through our dreams. But it is such an overused literary tale that unless the POV is vastly different, I feel let down. Also when you are under anesthesia, they put you in a faux sleep. You are never in that deep state of sleep you need for dreams. I suppose the dream could have come after they reversed the anesthesia and was waking up and dropping back off.

Now remember, that dream part is just my opinion and doesn't make it right. Plus you did a marvelous job in the beginning. My heart was literally thumping in my chest. I'd moved up to the very edge of my chair and realized I was holding my breath. The other thing isn't huge to me because I have a habit of not reading titles, if I'd read yours, I don't think I would have felt all that delightful suspense because the title gives the ending away.I do want to stress that I really really liked the beginning and the ending was still good but not as outstanding as the first part. Overall you did a great job.
05/03/12
Not sure if it was appropriate to comment on my own work I waited until the judging was all done.
Thanks for your comments. Shann, your comments helped me see some things I hadn't realised: that the title sot of gave the ending away(Of course I should have realised that!Thanks.); that it might sound as though God had spoken through the dream. (That wasn't my intention - the 'menace' that had been following her was the illness.) But a writer shouldn't have to explain her work so I should have realised how it could be read. Thanks for the constructive critique. It is most helpful.