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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Don’t Look Back (04/19/12)

TITLE: Did You Ever?
By Deborah Sampson
04/21/12


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Did you Ever?

“Did you ever play that game?” Asked Lisa. You know where someone is chasing you. You don’t know where they are at.”

Katy shook her pretty oval face no. “Can’t say that I have.”

“Well continued Lisa, it’s even scarier when two or more do the chasing. When they say “Don’t look back” and they mean it, because you never know how they are planning to scare you.”

“Lisa, I can think of a time mentioned in the Bible about those exact words.” Katy added as she opened the refrigerator and reached for two sodas.

“That’s just like you, Katy, throw in something from that Bible of yours, I’ve been your friend now three years and you haven’t hooked me yet, Lisa added with confidence.

“Lisa, I can’t “hook you” only Jesus can. And He’d like to---

“Hold it; just tell me about what’s in this Bible, I mean related to this game.” She said, reaching for the can of soda offered to her, “Thanks.”

“Have you heard of Abraham and Lot in the old Testament? Asked Katy, as she watched her friend’s reaction.

“Not really.” Lisa shook her head as her long red curls fell across her face. Lisa was indeed a beautiful girl. Very smart, and had a great singing voice at the age of 17. But when smarts mattered she had none about the Bible, God’s Word.

Katy began “God sent two angels into this wicked sinful city and told Lot to tell his family that the city would soon be destroyed. He told his wife and two daughters and son-in-laws. But the son-in-laws thought he was joking. The next morning the angels led Lot and his wife and two daughters out of the city, flee and “Don’t look back” the city and all the wickedness would be destroyed.

They went to a nearby small town but hearing the commotion Lot’s wife look back at the sight and was immediately turned into a pillar of salt. “Now that’s scary, don’t you think? “Asked Katy. “God means what He says.”

“A Pillar of salt?” Lisa asked in total awe of this. Why this is more than just a story as one would think, it’s historical true facts!”

“She made a choice, Lisa, a bad one. They didn’t get many second chances in the Old Testament, which is why God sent His son to die for our sins, that we might be saved. Hoping these words would open up a way into Lisa’s heart.

“Katy, help me make the right choice now, show me how, what to do, I want Jesus in my live---Please!

And so they did. Lisa and Katy are still best friends, it’s been over ten years since that wonderful day Lisa came to the Lord, and she hasn’t looked back, she continues to let the Holy Spirit work in her life, saying always ,refresh your life, it’s not a time to look back or stand still. But always move toward Jesus.


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Member Date
CD Swanson 04/26/12
This was a great story(sounds like it might be true?) I loved the way she brought a story to life in the form of a game and converted her friend so easily.

Nice job.. I enjoyed this very much. God Bless~
Joanne Sher 04/28/12
Nice story - watch your punctuation - there were a few places where you had quotation marks missing. Good use of the topic!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/28/12
This is an interesting twist to the popular party game did you ever? Though I think I'm thinking of another one with the same name I still liked how you brought it in to entice people to keep reading.

I do have some red ink for you to help you become the best writer you can possibly be. First you need to brush up on your punctuation rules. Many times you forgot an end quote. For example in this section --
“Well continued Lisa, it’s even scarier when two or more do the chasing. When they say “Don’t look back” and they mean it, because you never know how they are planning to scare you.”
You have quite a few little errors. The first one is there should be a comma and a "after Well," then a period after Lisa and another " before It's Another way you could tackle that same part is to do it this way "Well." Lisa continued, "It's scarier..." Not that I put a quotation mark before It's scarier... The reason why there are two ways is because the first one seemed like Well was a sentence by itself. the second time it was obvious that the Well, was interrupted by the tag line. It can get confusing with all of the rules.

At another part you completed a quote then wrote Asked Katy. Asked should be in lowercase because it is part of the sentence that has the quote.

If you could get someone to help you proof it that would be great because we all need proofers. The last thing when you use a quote inside a quote you use the single mark ' which would look like this 'Don't look back.'

I chuckled about the very smart girl but when it came to Bible smarts part, I out and out giggled. How true is that! Overall you have a good solid piece here, it just needs a tiny polishing. Keep writing, I think you have a naturally creative mind.

Now I know I gave you a lot of red ink but I did that because the errors were minor and you have a great way of developing your characters and making them seem real. Keep writing and I hope I didn't totally confuse you. God bless.