I am finally beginning to like myself.
Yes, life has been tough, a lot tougher than I had hoped for, and yes I wanted all the nice things, but that did not happen; I wasnâ€™t that good.
God must have had a different plan than I did.
As hard as it was, all those things made me the person that I am today. A little cantankerous, but I am stronger in spirit, bolder in delivery, and less wrapped up in what people think about me. (Itâ€™s moments like this that I value the gray hair and wrinkles, for I no longer have to worry about impressing anyone.)
Do I care about how I affect you? Absolutely, that is part of my life in Christ, but is it something that consumes me, no; it is part of my nature now.
You see, I failed in life. I failed myself and those around me, and my failures brought all my dreams crashing to the ground. But those things I deemed failures have caused me to understand how great the Fatherâ€™s love and mercy is toward me.
So donâ€™t tell me â€śDonâ€™t look back!â€ť
Those momentary looks backward remind of:
That fearful darkness that I never want to see again.
How much love God poured out on us.
The extraordinary price He paid for my redemption.
How unlovable I was, and yet He loved me.
And that there is a hope of life with him.
Those occasional looks backward remind me that my mission is not to point out the failures in others, but to show them that God is merciful beyond measure.
There is yet another reason why I will not say, â€śDonâ€™t look back,â€ť because that is where the cross is. He died on that cross so that I might live, and not just me, but everyone that would put their trust in him.
Yes, the cross also points to our future, but sometimes you quietly need to remind yourself of your past, then you can see forward with a little more clarity.
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