The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 223 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/20/12
Emotional article. I felt like you were personally sharing the experiences with me, as friend-to-friend. You might try to break up future articles into paragraphs, easier for readers to follow. I especially like the phrase "hard times slam us against the wall." Great action words! Keep up the good work.

Wing His Words!
04/25/12
This brought tears to my eyes. I assume it is based on a true story because the grief just leaps out of the page. My heart hurt for the MC and her friend.

My only advice is to do more showing and less telling. Sometimes that can be hard in a testimonial but let me give you an example so you know what I mean. Take for example your first sentence. At first glance it may seem like you are showing but something like this might be easier for the reader to picture I sat on the porch swing hugging my coffee cup to my chest. I shivered as a fall breeze blew through my hair. This isn't the best example but I hope it gives you a tiny idea of what I'm saying.

The ending was super powerful. My story this week, is somewhat similar to yours. My best friend from HS had died. No one knew why at first and there was several speculations, one of which was suicide. There is something extra painful about dying that way. You did a great job in showing the pain and despair. Your story was spot on topic and kept my interest from the beginning to the end.
04/26/12
Congratulations for placing 8th in level one! (check the message boards about 10 hours after official winners are notified and you will see the top 12 in your level)