The Official Writing Challenge
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04/14/12
This has a really good message. It could be made better, I think, with a little less telling and more showing, maybe with some dialogue and more focus on individual events. However it shows this family's growth as Christians, and I like that!
04/14/12
Good job with "timeline" and chronicling the growth, emotionally and physically.

I enjoyed this...and the scripture at the end, says it all. Amen.

Thanks for this. God Bless~
This is a sweet piece that tells a story that so many people can relate to. I really liked how it progressed. Though some may think things grew sparser, the truth is the most important thing, faith in Jesus grew stronger. What a beautiful message.

Just a little red ink -- when using Mom and Dad as names you should capitalize them (but if you put a the or my in front then it is lower case.You may want to develop the characters a tad more by giving the kids names. Also you can show instead of tell. For example instead of saying the girls were disappointed there weren't more presents you could say something like Mandy ran out to check out the tree on Christmas morning. She halted in her tracks and her face fell as she counted the number of presents. Or something like that.

This is a special piece. you did a wonderful job of staying on topic. The message is such a good one. Parents worry so much about giving their kids gifts and keeping up with the Jones. But the truth of the matter is we aren't doing our kids any favors ny giving them instant gratification. You showcased this message nicely by saying how the girls were a tad disappointed at first but they recovered fairly quickly. What a good lesson to teach our kids --that they can't have everything they want. Nice job.
04/19/12
What a beautiful family history from beginning to end. Wonderfully written and enchanting.
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!