The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/14/12
I liked your story. Yes, even D's can be helpful if we learn from them. Glad you woke up and got on with the wonderful Christmas holidays.
04/14/12
This was such an uplifting and feel good story. I imagine it is true...if not, it could be.

I loved the reference to "Your Father will help you." Great job with that.

Also, I believe the Lord will speak to us in dreams...guiding us and leading us to what we need to do. He reveals all things to those who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

Great story...Thank you I really enjoyed this.

God bless you~
This is a lovely story. It really touched my heart. I bonded immediately with the MC and could picture things as they unfolded.

My only suggestion is to work on some of the technical things such as making a new paragraph every time a new person speaks and getting the punctuation just right, also write out numbers from one to ten (at the very least, some say write out all numbers). It may just be you need a good proofreader to help you pick up those things. I noticed it seemed like you were starting new paragraphs in between people speaking but it wasn't always double spaced. Make sure you hit preview before you hit submit. Another thing you might want to do is instead of using tag lines like she said or he asked, use this spot to describe what the character is doing. For example "Yes, Sir." She tilted her head and stared at the floor. That way it shows she may have been a tad embarrassed or afraid.

Overall, I think this is a brilliant story and will touch many hearts. I'm not sure if it is true that you actually went on a mission trip but I suspect it is. This reads with the same passion I see in my daughter's eyes when she spent her Christmas Holiday on a missions trip. She worried about making up the school work she would miss, too. So if it's not based on real life, you did an outstanding job of tying into the emotions.