The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 248 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/12
What an absolutely moving story! You did an excellent job from the very beginning of showing me what was going on in everything she was doing. The way Josh conveyed to his mother about Jesus' dying on the cross was excellent. Children sometimes can better explain things than we adults and you did an excellent job in doing that. One of the things I did find kind of glaring was that in your description, it was evident they had very little money and food was scarce. Her pouring him a glass of "chocolate milk" seemed an extravagance so you might think about that if you're trying to convey near poverty. My favorite line which brought a smile to my face was "He smelled like happiness and sunshine." Very nice story!
04/13/12
Wow - Powerful and well done. Great story, beautiful and moving message. A wonderful and highly descriptive piece. I really enjoyed this. Thank you. GOd bless~
04/14/12
Good job! This has the Easter message in a very real and comfortable way. Also well written.
I love this story. It is absolutely brilliant and perfect for mother and child to read together. You packed a lot of meaning in those limited 750 words and did a wonderful job of it. The line of Mommy thinking she would have to show her son the positive side of Easter herself was so powerful. Often when adults write for kids, they have the adult in the story resolve the conflict but here you had the child teach the parent. It's a great lesson for everyone.
Congratulations for ranking 8th in level one!