The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/12
Short and sweet story. Paragraphs need to have a double space between them and your quotes and punctuation need to be corrected. Punctuation (periods, etc.) are on the inside of quote marks. You have written them both ways. Other than that, this was a short story, but it took in and gave a lot of information to the reader.
04/13/12
I liked this very much. Your MC giving up her much anticipated trip was a real and spontaneous act of love. Some punctuation is needed, but the overall story was good - a lot said in a few words.
This is a sweet story. My daughter is getting married soon and I understand that sense of excitement and feeling of loss.

You may want to double space between the paragraphs. I had a minute of confusion who James was. I figured it was her husband but some more details would have brought your delightful characters to life even more. Also little tiny things, you spelled Maise's name two different ways. Also at the end you used the ellipses and then a period, in my opinion it should have either been a question mark or just the ellipses. If you are just drifting off then you don't have the end punctuation.

Overall, I think you did a great job and I really liked the story. You have a great deal of natural talent. I look forward to reading more of your work.
04/13/12
This was a joy to read. I really liked this imaginative entry. Good job. God Bless~