The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/12/12
I absolutely LOVE this poem! It drew me in from the very beginning. Your rhythm is excellent; the words are right on. In the fourth verse from the bottom when you say "Keep my always in thy favor," I think you meant keep "me." This is a winner in my book! Excellent!
04/13/12
This could use a few more commas and periods, but all in all, I think it's very good. Great theme and well worded!
This is so lovely. You painted a lovely picture with your words. I could see the sky and almost smell the blossoms.

I think this is a piece, if you are at all like me, that you will fine tune and maybe switch some lines and change the rhythms some. I know my poems never seem quite perfect to me. I'd encourage you to keep fine-tuning it because it really touched my heart. Fix little things like my instead of me and maze instead of maize(though maybe you were describing it to mean the color of corn but id so you may want to change that) also He is arisen doesn't sound right, I think it should be He is risen or He has arose.

I'm also not sure if you needed the editorial at the beginning. It may have distracted a tad from the powerful words in your poem. And it wasn't needed because your poem told the reader that it was about Easter and the last line was so powerful and beautiful, it's clear that you view it as a very holy day indeed. You did a great job. Absolutely beautiful.
04/13/12
Simply put - a beautiful poem filled with your love for God...touching & powerful. Thank you, this touched my heart. God Bless~
04/15/12
Loved the metaphors and actions words to depict the Easter season.
I had a problem with your last line: "Tis nothing but a holiday." I thought it trivialized the sacred meaning of Easter. Perhaps,
" 'Tis much more than a holiday" would better support the message your poem and title conveys; in my opinion of course.:-)

Great message!
Congratulations for ranking 10th in level one!