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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Achievement (03/08/12)

TITLE: The victory in surrendering
By Tendi Rice


I walked down the narrow dark alley, obviously undisturbed by the thick stench that dominated the air and the filth that strew the pathway. Occasionally I stepped into one of the many potholes that were filled with dirty rain water mixed with urine. The grime stained walls had graffiti, which was obviously aged and unattractive. A group of teenagers were clustered near one end of the alley, drinking and smoking yet obviously underage. Another bunch huddled in one area, seemingly idle but evidently up to some form of trouble. I kept my face down, avoiding any eye contact. I clenched my fists tightly and dug them further into my pockets as if to gain courage and quickly walked past another gang. I heard someone shout something behind me, but I paced faster and hurried on, avoiding any trouble.

“You don’t have to do this” I heard a voice say to me. I paused for a minute, startled at how audible and clear it was, looking around to ensure there was no one close by. I had become familiar with him over the past few weeks and I knew he meant well. He always spoke in a gentle soothing tone, which made me feel calm and reassured. I wanted so badly to obey Him; to walk away from this life and never have to come back to this alley again.

Just then my thoughts were interrupted by the hoarse strong voice that always came in on cue, “Never mind Him, go with it; you know you want to”. Almost instantly I seemed to forget the sweetness of His voice. I continued striding speedily towards the other end of the alley, I needed to get this over and done with.

As I paced, the voices began to wage a war inside my head. “You can overcome this, just walk away, you have everything it takes” he repeated. And each time He was interrupted by the coarser louder voice, “No you can’t, this is what you want, just do it, at least this one last time”. As the two raged on, thought in my head whirled about, filling me with confusion and uncertainty.

Still calm and collected He did not give up, he prodded me with words of encouragement and strength. I knew I should listen to Him, after all, it was the right thing to do. Yet each time I wanted to turn back and walk away, I did not manage to. I did not have the strength it took. And besides, the voice telling me to just do it was almost more convincing.

Exhausted and distressed from the debate, I lost concentration and tripped upon a lump of dirt. As I crashed to the grimy grit beneath my feet, I did not even feel the pain from the broken glass below, which cut into my knees as they hit the ground. I sat there, half lying down and wished death upon myself. At that moment, probably unaware of what I was saying, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I uttered under my breath, “I give up Lord, I don’t know how to walk away, but I can’t live like this life anymore”.

Tender and accepting as it had always been, I heard His voice echo back “That’s all you needed to do to succeed my child, surrender”. With it I felt a swift cool breeze sweep over me and a peace that passed all understanding.

Yes, I had overcome!

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This article has been read 294 times
Member Comments
Member Date
PamFord Davis 03/18/12
Nice writing! I could sense the sights, smell and sounds both in the MC's surroundings and thoughts. There is a constant battle being waged in our minds.I love happy endings and am pleased your MC found peace & victory!
C D Swanson 03/21/12
I loved this gripping entry and am so surprised it doesn't have more comments!

The internal dialogue and the angst and turmoil by the MC is compelling and powerful.

Beautiful job with the wrap up. A powerful story is one that brings the last line "home" with meaning. And, this my friend had all that and more!

Thank you for this.

God Bless~
Dolores Stohler03/25/12
I liked your vivid descriptions and the humble approach in your writing. The only thing you didn't do was explain just why you were walking this street. The when,why, where and how are so important. Other than that, a powerful piece of writing. God bless.