Yesterday was my 50th birthday! Yep, the big Five-O! They say, ďItís all downhill from hereĒ. I sure hope so.
Itís time I get serious and start making tough decisions about what, how, and where my life is supposed to go from here. I started this journal to keep track of my progress.
Iíll be praying that the Lord begins to open doors and shows me what He wants me to do with the rest of this life He has given me.
Be careful what you pray for, you might get it! Pastor has asked me to lead a womenís group. I told her that I would pray about it, and let her know.
As honored as I am, I think sheís lost her mind! Does she have me confused with someone else who is qualified to do this sort of thing?
What happens if I mess up? What if I open my big mouth and stick the whole shoe-store in it? What if I make a fool out of myself?
Every time I think about it, my stomach does flip-flops, and the unrelenting fear sends chills down my spine. ďCan I do this? ĎShould I do this?Ē
After much prayer, I have reluctantly agreed to lead the group. The Lord is showing me glimpses of the blessings this group could yield.
Five women came to our first meeting tonight. We sat quietly around the table with our Bibles open before us; all eyes were on me. Fear gripped my heart like a malicious tap-dance inside my chest.
Then, His peace enveloped me and my heart stopped itís dance. We studied our lesson, shared our struggles and victories, and said our tear-filled prayers.
I have hope.
My stomachís doing those stupid flip-flops again! These women are depending on me to teach them lessons I donít have victory over in my own life! What was I thinking? This feels like the blind leading the blind.
Iím embarrassed and I hate letting them down. I truly love these women, and want to help them, but I canít do this! Iím going to tell Pastor that Iíve changed my mind.
I told Pastor how much I appreciated her giving me the opportunity, but I wasnít capable of leading the group, and hoped she could find someone who was more qualified.
She looked me straight in the eyes and said, ďGod does not call the perfected, He only calls the willingĒ, and she walked away. Talk about having the wind knocked out of you!
Her words shocked me, but I could feel the Lordís presence surrounding me. He had used her to say exactly what I needed to hear.
Now that I think about it, it is precisely what Heís been whispering into my heart for weeks. He knew I needed one final push out of my comfort zone.
I do believe the Lord has called and chosen me to do this, and I am willing. He knows my deepest desire and heartís cry is for Him to use my life. With His strength and guidance, I will continue to make a difference in these precious womenís lives.
My faith and trust in Him is growing.
Wow! Itís been months since Iíve written here. Iíve been so busy and so blessed!
More women have joined us on our journey to become all we are destined to be and do. Each week the Lord reveals a little more of what His glorious plans are for our lives, and He is giving us the strength to accomplish it.
The truth is, I have stuck my foot in my mouth, fumbled, and been tongue-tied more times than Iíd like to admit. On more than one occasion, Iíve realized I wasnít as ready as I should have been. This downhill journey does have its share of twists, turns, and bumps in the road.
Nevertheless, I will continue stepping out in faith, and He will use me to change these womenís lives, and offer them hope for a better future.
Thank you Father, even though I am far from being perfect, You are using my heartís desire and willingness to serve You, and together we are changing lives, one precious life at a time.
*Authors notes - This is a condensed and fictionalized version of my real lifeís story and ministry testimony.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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