The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/10/12
Thank you for this story of "sister love." Beautiful job with creating the angst and anticipation at once of the situation at hand.

I was happy with the message of "sisters/family" being an important part of who "we are" in the long run.

Nice job. God bless~
This is a great story. I love the title. You did a wonderful job of developing believable characters.

You may want to work on tightening your story by getting rid of parts that aren't totally necessary to the story, for example the girls dressing alike and words like very in very first time. Actually the phrase she fell in love for the first time has a greater impact than very first. Using that same example work on showing instead of telling that she fell in love for first time. Ex In the summer, Roberta started making goo-goo eyes over Roger. She scribble his name on any place she found. This shows she is falling in love and paints a picture for reader.

Your beginning was good. I think it would have been fantastic if you skipped the first paragraph and started with second. You did a great job keeping the story moving at a good pace. The ending was great. I liked how you came full circle. You definitely covered the topic in a way many can relate to. This is a fun stor!