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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: rain (10/17/05)

TITLE: Digging for Fire, Climbing for Rain
By S Brenton
10/24/05


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Already awake, Corban exhaled, his breath was strained as it dragged itself out of his moist esophagus.

As he flopped over and half rolled out of bed, his eyes met with his digital clock. Rapidly flashing, the numbers 12:00 reflected, blaring off his eyes and bouncing off the walls, providing a momentary red glow in his otherwise dim dwelling.

The sound of a street sweeper outside brushing and hissing, as it wore it's brushes off onto a road that was never satisfied; coincided with that of incessantly dripping water from his bathroom ceiling tiles.

His bathroom was small, poorly ventilated and gave the suffocating feeling of being trapped in a submarine.
The tiles had collapsed as of what had been so routinely passed off as being faulty pipes. A closer inspection however, it was proved otherwise, upon the discovery of masses of condensation.
These puddles of condensation were the result of water vapors being collected on tops of the ceiling tiles, during his frequent long steaming showers. Finally the water collected so much that a ceiling tile gave out.
The half cleaned wasted water was, in these day's all that was left of his dormant life.

How quickly things could change to polar opposites.

Just weeks before, crowds would come from all over to witness and be a part of a wonderful ability he had refined and perfected.

The skill he welded was not a new concept; most people could recall tales and stories that they had been told as children of similar occurrences, but until this era that was all that seemed to have substantiated them: the remains of erroneous "fables".

He knew he could harness the rain.

If the direction, density, wind intensity and mineral content of the rain was synchronized, he could, in a sense, climb the rain.

This concept is the same as climbing a rapidly descending escalator, similar to cautiously but hastily climbing a broken ladder.

With proper co-ordination on behalf of all his members, assisted by controlled breathing he could maneuver and paddle his was up and through the rain.

Of course, this could only been done for a short period of time, as fatigue would invariably kick in.

Accomplishing height and impeccable mobility were not realistic, as the conditions for such were a hyperbolic anomaly when taken all considerations of logistics.

The harmony created was so wonderful that he had felt no choice but to share this ability, after all, he himself knew the delirious feeling he experienced while partaking in this thrill.

The whole world seemed to make sense to him as he could see it reflecting off of hundreds of thousands of exploding water droplets.

Observing crowds hungry for action felt the urge to learn, many offering large sums of money in hopes for a quick result payoff.

Although he would not accept anything he would enthusiastically demonstrate and instruct any who would desire to undergo this transfiguration.

Many people from all walks of life would congregate to witness and experience this spectacular demonstration.

Critics and optimists alike loudly proclaimed their ideologies, as they scrutinized and held hopes of jamming this credence into everything else they have come to believe to create a single unified foundation.

As many people who came and participated or just received head knowledge, most of them could not grasp the conflicting precepts, between what they have always believed and inadvertently relied on, and these new threatening uncomfortable concepts.
Feeling secure in a world they had always known and arrogantly felt in control of, they feared relinquishing their society to anything obscure.
As a result they attacked it with reasoning, science, social morals and responsibilities, ethics and even warnings of health risks, such as: "It can give you cancer!"

Bureaucratic measures were instituted with the brunt of them being pursuant to Corban. Licensing, fees, certification, health checks, and stacks of asinine forms were put into effect.

Anyone who has ever experienced sitting in a waiting room with multitudes of people to see a doctor, standing in line at the motor vehicles department or dealing with tax auditors knows the helplessness, physically and emotionally draining stress the weight of these things adds to people's shoulders.

As they went about their lives he was quickly pushed aside and forgotten about much like the trendy books of the month incorporating rain climbing with just about everything imaginable such as fashion, fitness, gossip, yoga and cooking.


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This article has been read 593 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie Sickler10/26/05
You and your wife definitely have talent and similar styles! I can imagine the conversations you two must have. :)This held my attention all the way through and was very creative. Good job of thinking out of the box!
Anita Neuman10/27/05
I think this is the beginning of a great story - but you left too many loose ends for me to feel satisfied. A very interesting concept, though - you kept my attention all the way through!
Jan Ackerson 10/27/05
This is intriguing, like the outline of a longer allegory. I think it would read better with some dialog and characterization, but this is certainly fascinating!
Garnet Miller 10/27/05
I agree with Anita- I wanted more. The words kept me reading till the end, but I felt I needed something more to make it complete. I see the beginnings of a great story here:)
Denise Stanford10/27/05
You lost me a few times I'm afraid, as the reader I like to be wooed more...great idea but for the record the only breath that comes from the oesophagus - is a burp! (oops perhaps that's what you meant!)
Sally Hanan10/27/05
A very creative idea for a story. It was a little hard to follow, but that is easily fixed - just read the winning stories from the past few weeks and see how simple they keep the information, how they mix in thoughts and dialogue etc. They also make sure the flow is simple and stays in one or two settings.
Julianne Jones10/28/05
As Debbie mentioned, your style is similar to your wife's and you both know how to think outside the box. This kept my attention but left me feeling unsatisfied at the end. Perhaps you would consider expanding this and giving us the whole story? Thanks for sharing.
Shari Armstrong 10/28/05
Great descriptions and a very interesting story, but I'm not sure how he climbed the rain? Maybe I need to read it again :)
Brandi Roberts10/30/05
I really liked this one. Very descriptive, but I too, felt the need for more. I WANT MORE! NOW! No, not now, but sometime in the near future, perhaps you'll expand on this? How lucky your wife is to have a husband who writes as well!