My heart was pulsating so loudly in my chest, I could barely hear the next statement. Briefly closing my eyes, I decided this was just a dream, as I sat at the rectangular table in the small but well-lit office.
“Mrs. Bradshaw, are you listening?” asked the professionally tailored, bespectacled woman seated across the table. Her partner looking rather disturbed.
“Yes, I am,” quickly opening my eyes, feeling slightly embarassed.
“We'll set you up tomorrow with the wire, unless you want to think about it one more time.”
“U hm-m, I am still not quite sure,” I said while fidgeting with the pen in my hand. “Can I call you in the morning.?”
“Please make it before ten, and remember, this is extremely important to our case. Think of how many people will benefit from the information you'll be able to provide. Call me, later, if you have any questions.”
Walking back to my car, I could feel a slight throb forming on the left side of my head. “How did all this happen? All I did was report to the police I saw those pictures on Sloan’s computer at work. I HAD to report it. Now, this has turned into a major county-wide investigation that involves other executives...what a nightmare,” I grumbled to myself.
Thinking about the events of the past few months, it seemed surreal. But, remembering what my Pastor said in last week's sermon, that 'Jesus will never leave us or forsake us,' I felt a little better. Yes, Jesus. I have to stay focused, and since I can't tell Gene or the kids yet, all I can do is talk to God.
Later, as I kissed the children goodnight, I couldn't stop thinking of what to tell Ms. Wilson, the agent in charge. The FBI is not going to listen to any more delays and I really do want to help.
Sitting on the edge of my bed and waiting for Gene to come upstairs, I prayed “Dear Lord, you know all about this situation. If I decide to wear this wire and the case hits the papers, everyone at work, church and around town will be talking about it. Will people trust me or blame me? They'll probably call me a whistle-blower, or worse. Lord, I don't really know how this will affect Gene and the children. I have never been in this situation before.”
I arose early, realizing this was my last day of vacation. Then, I would return to work on Monday, maybe with the wire. Fear tried to reign once again, but that spirit was dethroned. Thank God! Although my thoughts were still on the pending telephone call, I finally had a peace.
“I wish I could have talked to Gene face-to-face, before he left. I know I can't tell him anything, at least not yet. When I do, he'll understand.” I reassured myself.
“Mom, don't forget my money for the class field trip. I need ten dollars --- that includes lunch,” shouted my 14 year-old from upstairs.
“Okay, honey. I haven't forgotten.” But, I had forgotten, especially with all the busyness of the last few days.
Meeting her at the stairs, I said, “Here's your money and make sure you and your brother catch the 3:30p bus; no lolly-gagging.”
“I know, Mom. I love you. You're the best,” she said, hugging me quickly.
As my daughter put on her jacket and prepared to leave, her 16-year brother barreled down the stairs, into the kitchen. He stopped to rustle my hair, as I sat at the table. “Yeah, you're a pretty cool mom, and like you tell us, trust God and pray, it will be okay.” Then he kissed me on the cheek.
I looked at him with a loving amazement. He had never said anything to me like that before. Usually, it was about what he wanted for that particular day. Of all days! God certainly confirms his word! “Bye. I love you both.”
Returning to the kitchen table, I sat for a moment and prayed again for continued wisdom, guidance, and strength. I then reached for my cell phone.
“Hello, Ms. Wilson? This is Mrs. Bradshaw. I've made my decision.”
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