The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/10/12
A big lesson to be learned here. I thought your story read smoothly and asked some questions that perhaps we all should ask ourselves.
03/10/12
Nice creative entry. This held powerful and thought provoking moments. I truly enjoyed this. Thank you.

God bless~
I enjoyed this retelling of the familiar story. It definitely fits the topic. Try to do more showing than telling. Instead of saying the scene is intense, describe it. The wind calmed, the birds halted their twitting, as the hair on the back of Eve's arm stood out. Paint a picture for your reader. I liked the idea of telling about the first predicament we humans put ourselves in. We certainly have perfected it over the years.