The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/10/12
This was an amazing story; I wondered if perhaps it was true. The only thing I would suggest in writing is that in your sentences, you use less commas and try to work in a few semi-colons. This story read very smoothly and I enjoyed it very much.
03/10/12
Wow - this was intensely riveting. I was pulled in immediately. Nice job with this story.

These "spot" tornadoes do happen and you have done a wonderful job of internalizing the MC's frustrations and concerns.

Thank God for his neighbor.

Nice job. God Bless~
This is a timely story, as I understand tornado weather came early this year.

In the beginning you switch from saying he or his or Floyd to my ears popped. Make sure you stay consistent with the voice.

As for using less commas and more semi-colons that is definitely a personal preference. I know some writers who don't like semi-colons at all. If you do use them, make sure they are two complete phrases.

Nice, imaginative story.
03/11/12
Great story....and loved the ending!
I enjoyed this story. It held my attention to the end.

I hope you keep writing. You have a talent for it. Eventually things like gramma and tenses will sort themselves out.