The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/08/12
Very descriptive story and one I don't think I would like to find myself in. When you yourself are "thinking" something, I've always been taught that you use a single quote mark around what you are saying and two around what you or anyone else are saying. I'm not quite sure I understand why your last words of the entry were "and I'm alive." I felt perhaps that didn't really have anything to do with the story. It's so important when we perform that we have the support of our family and it looks like that was the case with your MC. Good story!
Your story was good, and I wonder how many of us have faced the same situation.
Keep up the good work
03/09/12
Great job with this adorable story. Perfectly on topic. It could have fit with "encouragement" topic also.

Nice job. Thank you.

God Bless~
This is a sweet story. I could easily picture the poor little girl on the stage terrified. Be careful that you stay consistent with the tense. You start in past then drift to present and back. (for example during the phone call, you say hangs up instead of hung up) I really enjoyed the ending, even though Mom couldn't be there and the teacher was distracted, God is always there for us. This would be a sweet picture book.
03/11/12
Your sweet MC touched my heart. Great job!
This was right on subject. Well written too.

I like the less is more approach. You used just the right amount of words to get your message across.

Keep writing!