The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/01/12
You had me from the beginning! Great story, and I loved the ending! Great work!
Powerful, spell-binding, frightening yet encouraging. The piece was very well crafted. Well done.
03/04/12
I love the ending, which was almost a little bit unexpected. You kept me in suspense. Well done.
I loved your article, because it showed that no matter the storm we are in , God will get us through.
Keep writing.
This is a great story full of suspense. I could feel my heart hammering as she twisted and slid on the road.

The only thing that would make it better would to do more showing and less telling. I'm sure it seems like in a story like this you did a great deal of showing and you did do some good showing. For example the first sentence is telling. Show by using more descriptive verbs like The rain pounded against the windshield as Jen cranked the steering wheel to the right and the quickly readjusted to the left. It's not the best sentence but I hope it gives you a small glimmer of what I mean.

I did thoroughly enjoy this story and I think you have a great deal of natural talent. I really liked the ending and it surprised me a tad which doesn't happen often. Nice job.
Congratulations for ranking 8th in level one!