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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Experiment (02/16/12)

TITLE: Are You Ready?
By Robin Ocasio
02/23/12


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Three figures huddled together. One was pumping gas. An eerie glow from street light bathed the scene, as the one in the middle spoke quietly. “Are you sure?” The largest replied, “Yeah, let’s go!”

………………..

Excitement seemed to crackle in the air.

It was approaching 2:00 am, but you could not tell the lateness of the hour by either the mood or the energy in the room.

Teens were spread out from one end of the room to the other. Sprawling here and there, sitting in small groups, fully engaged in – each other. Talking, laughing generally having a good time just hanging out with each other.

It was an all-nighter for the brave in heart! Or should I say the stomping grounds of, The History Makers Boot Camp. AKA a youth retreat!

Suddenly, Pastor, eye candy, hunk one and hunk two, came rushing into the room.

Taking his place at the front, Pastor eye candy signaled for attention.

I have some serious news for you. I need every ones complete attention.

A hush fell over the room. All eyes were focused front and center, waiting for the words to follow; words that would soon change our life as we knew it.

Before I go on, I would like to remind each of you that God is in control. We have been learning a lot about the last days, the tribulation and end time events. Remember, that God is on your side. He has been preparing you, strengthening you, putting His word within you.

Guys, it appears that things we have been learning about are happening even now. World War III, has just begun. This may be the beginning of last day events before the return of Jesus.

Jeremy, please turn on the radio for everyone to hear.

Soon, a voice came over the speakers. The room was deathly silent, slight gasps could be heard here and there as the announcer spoke.

Crackle, crackle, This is breaking news, from WRKMZ, crackle, crackle, The nations of the world are quickly taking sides in this terrible turn of events. World War III, has been declared. Crackle, Israel is even now taking military action as the surrounding countries of crackle, crackle, crackle, crackle take up position, crackle, her borders. Crackle, crackle, crackle, all US military personal have been recalled to duty, as the US armed forces prepare, crackle to crackle Israel’s aide and defend our borders as Crackle, Crackle …..

Ok Jeremy, that’s enough for now. Turn it off please.

Looking around, the shock waves hit me. The room felt like a thick soup of a doom and gloom. Mixed Reactions of panic, dismay, fear, grief seemed to well up from every corner. Several young girls clutched each other, crying, attempting to comfort one another. Chad, a fearless type of guy instantly announced he was joining up first thing. Cell phones began to emerge as desperation to call home was imminent. A few moments felt like an eternity as everyone responded differently, worry, fear, terror even seemed to be the predominant first response to news that floored everyone listening.

Guys! Guys! Everyone, Relax! Calm down, take a breath and look at me! It’s going to be OK! Everything is going to be OK….the soothing words continued on.

It took awhile, but eventfully, the room grew quiet, everyone was listening intently.

Then the real bomb shell dropped.

It’s not true, everything you just heard - is not true! We played you a tape recording that we made at the local gas station. This was just an experiment! We are not at War!

I know you are shocked, but use this experiment as tool to strengthen your faith. The question is, are you ready, for just such an event to take place? What will be your reaction in that day? Were you filled with faith or sickening fear?

Pastor eye candy’s “experiment” taught me a lesson I will never forget.

Each day, I am reminded, “To Be Ready!”
Now!
Now!
And Now! ....


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Member Comments
Member Date
Camille (C D) Swanson 02/24/12
A nice twist of "The War of the Worlds" with Orson Welles...only with a beautiful welcome twist speaking about Jesus' return.

Well written speculation piece, I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

God bless~
Jody Day 02/25/12
Good job with a suspenseful read. I enjoyed this.

I get the "eye candy" reference, but maybe it was a little overused.

Need punctuation, quotations, etc. around dialogue.

Keep writing:)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/26/12
This is a brilliant job of story telling. I could feel the tension in the room. For those who have never experienced a spiritual retreat, it's hard to put into words how it impacts one. This would be a great lesson to return to the real world with the experiment fresh in one's mind.

My only comment is you need a good proof-reader. You had several little errors like missing quotation marks, needed commas, etc. Things like Pastor Eye Candy is being used as a name so it should be capitalized. There are several critique groups and challenge buddies on the message boards that would help you perfect your piece before submitting it.

I think you wrote a great story, with a touch of humor and a banging (forgive the pun) message. It was well-thought out and with some polishing, I could see this being a great Sunday School or Retreat take-home paper. Nice job.
annie keys03/01/12
Loved this piece! The message is well stated and intriguing. A few edit/grammar oopsies, but, to the content---loved it, well done! Write on!