The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/24/12
A nice twist of "The War of the Worlds" with Orson Welles...only with a beautiful welcome twist speaking about Jesus' return.

Well written speculation piece, I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

God bless~
02/25/12
Good job with a suspenseful read. I enjoyed this.

I get the "eye candy" reference, but maybe it was a little overused.

Need punctuation, quotations, etc. around dialogue.

Keep writing:)
This is a brilliant job of story telling. I could feel the tension in the room. For those who have never experienced a spiritual retreat, it's hard to put into words how it impacts one. This would be a great lesson to return to the real world with the experiment fresh in one's mind.

My only comment is you need a good proof-reader. You had several little errors like missing quotation marks, needed commas, etc. Things like Pastor Eye Candy is being used as a name so it should be capitalized. There are several critique groups and challenge buddies on the message boards that would help you perfect your piece before submitting it.

I think you wrote a great story, with a touch of humor and a banging (forgive the pun) message. It was well-thought out and with some polishing, I could see this being a great Sunday School or Retreat take-home paper. Nice job.
03/01/12
Loved this piece! The message is well stated and intriguing. A few edit/grammar oopsies, but, to the content---loved it, well done! Write on!