The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/24/12
Wonderful job with this. I was pulled in from the first sentence to the last. Nice job with the topic at hand.

Powerful ending! And God Bless all of our military men and women...and their families who sacrifice so much too! Thank you.

God Bless~
02/25/12
Good job. I enjoyed this.
This is a touching story. At the end, I stopped and said a prayer for all of the "Joshes" in the world right now, fighting for me.

You need to work on more showing instead of telling. Paint a picture for the reader. Instead of telling that Josh always tried different things in life, show it: Josh jumped out of a plane when he turned eighteen, then he desired to swim deep under the ocean. (It's a tad lame but I hope it helps show you what I mean.

This is a nice story with a lovely message in it. You did a nice job bringing the topic in.