The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a riveting story that should be plastered everywhere. You had a wonderful ending.

Try using less tags like he said. Instead use that space to describe what us happening. For example: "What?" Jim yanked at his hair. It paints a picture and identifies the speaker. I noticed you attemped it a couple of times. Once you used the word as which wasn't needed: as he pounded his fist on the huge cherry wood desk, his face turning crimson. Leave the as out, capitalize he and you have a complete sentence.

You did a great job writing on topic while delivering a powerful message. I liked how you got your point across without coming off as preachy.
02/10/12
Wow! Outstanding and amazing story! Fantastic message and strong ending! God Bless~
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!