The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/09/12
A really fun read. Thanks!
I enjoyed your story and found myself chuckling a lot. My husband would really relate to the MC because it seems every time he goes to the store he messes it up.

I think it might have been a bit of a stretch for the topic and I was prepared to be open-minded about this. It's just your opening of being surprised, amazed, and astonished at your friends leaving didn't really seem to fit. Maybe irritated if you had plans or disappointed but astonished seemed a stretch.

Having said all of that, I truly did enjoy your story. I found myself wanting to yell at the screen that BOGO means buy one get one! It was a funny story. I do think the judges may take off some points for topic but you had a delightful ending, you thoroughly entertained, it was well-written and flowed nicely.
02/10/12
lovely :-)
02/10/12
Funny and refreshing read. I enjoyed this so much. Nice job. God Bless~
02/10/12
Unlike the other responder, I didn't know what the heck Bogo Chicken was until the manager in your story explained it..then I said.."Duhhh..I shoulda known that!" It made me Laugh Out Loud. I loved it...very funny.
What a fun story. It wouldn't surprise me if my husband translated my shopping lists like that.

A little red ink: Watch for tense shifts.

Again, great story. I enjoyed it thoroughly. God bless.