The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/02/12
I enjoyed this story so much, Beautiful message.
God Bless~
02/04/12
Terrific article! I hope you are thinking of working it up as a short story or book? Could be an interesting read for any age group, especially the young adult readers.
This is a nice story. You did a good job bringing the topic into the focus of the story.

Be careful of little things like in the first sentence you used the word 'cause (which is great for dialog) but then used they are instead of what most people would say is they're. It's a little thing, but contractions will make your dialog feel authentic.

You lost me a bit when you abruptly switched to Ben. It didn't really add to the story (though if you were allowed more words it would have worked) I feel that the loss of Ben was important to you but the abrupt transition might leave the reader confused.

I enjoyed the message. I love a mom who can remind her son to pray without coming off as preachy. The ending was nice too. Keep writing, you have some good stories in you.
02/07/12
Enjoyed this and it fit the theme. Seems like there were two stories here that could have been weaved together a little better, but an awesome job nonetheless.
02/07/12
Enjoyed this and it fit the theme. Seems like there were two stories here that could have been weaved together a little better, but an awesome job nonetheless.