The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 450 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/26/12
I loved this. Nicely done, beautiful story - I was so happy they were able to fix the problem. Jesus mends the broken hearted, and it looks like He did it once again in this lovely story.
Keep writing! God Bless~
01/26/12
This is a sweet story. It can be a dangerous marriage when one spouse doesn't believe. It's easy to think "I can change him." I liked how they worked out the problems before they got married. You told a heart-felt story.
01/27/12
Struggles of the heart are bad enough but add into the mix one's faith foundation. You did a nice job getting this across.

There are many long, run on sentences. Look for areas where you may need to take a breath to continue reading. That is sometimes helpful to catch these glitches.

I enjoyed reading your story. Keep writing.
01/28/12
I loved this! You grabbed me from the beginning and held my attention throughout. The part about the abuse was a great twist that I didn't see coming and the ending was sweet.

Be careful not to use too many adverbs. You can create stronger sentences by replacing adverbs with strong verbs. Instead of saying she tenderly wiped Phil's tears away, you could say she wiped his tears with tender strokes. This is one way to show versus tell.

You are a good writer. Keep writing!
01/31/12
Oh, how I loved this story from beginning to end! My only suggestion would be the overuse of "Sarah" when at times you could have said "she" especially in the same paragraph. Keep writing, you have a real gift! God bless!
02/02/12
Congratulations on your ribbon! Nice job
God Bless~