The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/19/12
A great description of the ups and downs of high school relationships. A few grammatical errors or words left out, but the flow of the story is good, and I'd love to know how or when he realized the truth.
01/20/12
This was a lovely story, filled with emotions, and thought provoking moments.
I liked it. Nicely done.
God Bless~
Definitely set up a truly embarrassing moment!
Good job
This is great. You had me laughing quite hard.

The only thing I would suggest is to do more showing. Instead of telling us that Lance was a jerk show us by describing the jerky things he did like Lance elbowed his way to center stage or Lance rolled his eyes when Juliet forgot her line. Paint us a picture.

I think you did a wonderful job telling a story that was spot on topic. You also weaved a few great lessons into your story as well.
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one!