The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
01/19/12
The embarrassing incidents are fun to read about - after the fact. It would flow better if you could mix the information from the first part into the other sections. Tell what embarrassed you, with a little background on the reason for it.
01/19/12
Mercy, I can associate with your 'self'. I was born a klutz and it got worse from there. As long as you can laugh at yourself, you'll be fine. *)

Loved your story, your ability to step out of your situation and write about the humor of the moment is well stated. You need to work on paragraph structure.

Well done, enjoyed the read!
01/20/12
Hahahahahaha...I certainly can relate to this. I was on line at a local fast food drive in. It seemed I waited an eternity, when I finally realized I was speaking into a "garbage pail" not the large black speaker!! So this hit home. Nicely done.

God Bless~
01/21/12
I really enjoyed your article! So transparent and so much like all of us at some time... too many times for some of us, ha!
This is a great story. You had me giggling with you.

Try to do more showing then telling. It's a hard concept to master. An example would be this sentence:
I rarely stop to explain myself, but rather just walk faster, hoping these folks will forget about that “crazy” guy they just saw.

You are telling me instead of showing. A way to show might be like this:
I halted in mid-sentence while waving my hands in the air. My eyes zeroed in on the man standing in the street, pointing his finger at me, with his other hand cupped over his mouth as he whispered to his wife.

That's a rough example during the middle of the night while I should be sleeping, but I hope it helps a bit. You get a picture in your mind with the example.

You have several great examples of embarrassment and you did a nice job of writing on topic. Sometimes with the word limit, it may be better to pick one example and expand on it. I liked the ending, it brought the story full circle. You did a nice job with this. Keep writing, you are a natural story-teller.