The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 491 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
01/12/12
Very nicely done! Good luck!
01/12/12
Very well written. I enjoyed Adam and Eve taking wedding vows. Very nice. Then tying it to modern day realities is good. Powerful ending. Really enjoyed reading your story.
01/12/12
Excellent!
01/14/12
Wonderful! Great conclusion! I like how you transitioned from Eva's Old Testament fantasies to her room in the Nursing Home.

Loved this!

"the wedding vows still rung in her ears though she could hardly hear a rap at her door." Great way to express how meaningful wedding vows were to Eva.

Edit for run-on sentences. Ex: Eva slowly turned her head to the left and saw her mate of over 65 years with his head slumped over on his chest, asleep sitting up in his wheel chair, in front of the window, where the nurse encouraged him to sit and watch the birds.

Overall, a well told story with a great punch at the end.
01/14/12
I enjoyed this sweet story. I liked how she imagined Adam and Eve getting married.

Though I was a tad confused at first because the MC's name is so close to Eve. The transition from her musings to present time was a tad abrupt. Perhaps if you had started the story in the present, then taken the reader into her thoughts and dreams before bringing us back to the present it might have flowed better.

I really enjoyed the ending. It brought the reader full circle. Though the actual idea itself is not super original, I still think you did a great job staying on topic while delivering a poignant message.
01/19/12
Congratulations on your HR placement! God Bless~