The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/29/11
I love humor and I know how hard good humor is to write. So, I got a laugh or two. It is on topic. Where I see need for improvement is in punctuation (missing needed commas), words like itself, shotgun are written wrong. Always proofread a time or two.
You may want to look at how you structure your paragraphs and not mix topics as much as you did here. Keep writing.
12/29/11
Hahahahahaha...Good job! On topic and levity to boot. I really enjoyed this.
God Bless~
Very funny story. I can see this as an episode on a sitcom.
12/30/11
*snickers* Oh, this is great.

I noticed you forgot the opening quotes on the first line, but that didn't detract from the story as a whole.

Nice job with this.
12/30/11
Funny stuff...Good job!
12/30/11
I laughed out loud at your ending. I like Mama! This was a very cute story and a nice take on the topic.

Your first long paragraph, Mama's rantings, are all similar length sentences, which makes it feel choppy. Doesn't flow very well. However, since it's Mama's rantings, maybe that's okay!

I'm pretty sure "ridicules" is supposed to be "ridiculous"?

I enjoyed this story a lot. Made me smile. Great job. :)
This is so funny! I laughed so hard. I loved the visual pictures you painted with your dialog. Make sure you capitalize Mama when used as a name. You missed a beginning quotation mark and some commas. Having someone proof it for you would help that. Overall, I think it is fantastic and a fun read.
01/05/12
Congratulations - Nice job. God Bless~