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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hacker or Virus (computer) (12/15/11)

TITLE: Mama's all backed up
By Cynthia Carter


Just calm down mama.” I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my coffee.

“My computer is haunted. That little drawer opens all by its self. The other day I was in the bathroom trying to do my business. I heard music in the kitchen and I thought someone had broken into my house to rape me. I eased my pants up and slipped into the bedroom to get my shot gun. When I peeped around the corner it was that blame computer. It was making all that racket. Then I couldn’t do my business. My rhythm is all messed up. Ricky ate all those prunes you got me at Costco.”

“Mama I think you have a virus.”

“No honey.” She said in a confidential whisper. “A virus goes the other way with me. I don’t have one. Dr Tolbert always makes me take a flu shot. When are you going back to Costco?”

“Mama, I’m talking about your computer.”

“Well that is the most ridicules thing I ever heard. Should I get my computer a flu shot?” she snorted.

“Mama did you run that CD I sent you?”

“You know I can’t run. I go to the Silver Spinners. Dr Tolbert said running is too hard on my knees. He wants me to cycle. Why would I want to run with a CD? Does it have the oldies? I love sweating with the oldies.”

“Mama did you install the CD?”

“I did what you said. I put it in that drawer. The one you told me to put it in. I put it in and closed the drawer.”

“Mama, after you put it in did it pop open?”

“No it wasn’t demon possessed then.”

“Mama did you do what it said on the screen after you put the CD in?

“Well let me think? That was last Tuesday. And oh yea that was when Edna called. You ain’t gonna believe this. A squirrel had got in their attic. Her husband ran it out and then shot up the whole back yard trying to kill it. He had destroyed the bird feeder, busted up the birdbath and ricocheted one off the clothesline. He hit everything but the squirrel. She was laughing so hard I thought he was killing her. He started roaring about her fat behind making a nice target. That’s when I went to get her. He was so mad he ruptured a blood vessel in his eye. I ended up sitting with them at the emergency room all morning. When we got back to her house her koi was belly up in the pond. That’s when I had to take the gun away from Edna. Then…”

“Mama “I interrupted “I’m sorry about Edna but I need to know if you installed the virus protection.”

“What? Oh honey, I really don’t know. There was too much going on.”

“Mama if you already have a virus then it’s too late. A virus can make your computer start by itself and it can make the CD drive open.”

“Oh no.”

“Mama did you backup?”

“Yea honey, I’m backed up. That’s why I want the prunes. When are you going to Costco?”

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This article has been read 406 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mona Purvis12/29/11
I love humor and I know how hard good humor is to write. So, I got a laugh or two. It is on topic. Where I see need for improvement is in punctuation (missing needed commas), words like itself, shotgun are written wrong. Always proofread a time or two.
You may want to look at how you structure your paragraphs and not mix topics as much as you did here. Keep writing.
C D Swanson 12/29/11
Hahahahahaha...Good job! On topic and levity to boot. I really enjoyed this.
God Bless~
Kristine Baker12/29/11
Very funny story. I can see this as an episode on a sitcom.
Allison Egley 12/30/11
*snickers* Oh, this is great.

I noticed you forgot the opening quotes on the first line, but that didn't detract from the story as a whole.

Nice job with this.
Michele Fleming 12/30/11
Funny stuff...Good job!
Jenna Dawn12/30/11
I laughed out loud at your ending. I like Mama! This was a very cute story and a nice take on the topic.

Your first long paragraph, Mama's rantings, are all similar length sentences, which makes it feel choppy. Doesn't flow very well. However, since it's Mama's rantings, maybe that's okay!

I'm pretty sure "ridicules" is supposed to be "ridiculous"?

I enjoyed this story a lot. Made me smile. Great job. :)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/31/11
This is so funny! I laughed so hard. I loved the visual pictures you painted with your dialog. Make sure you capitalize Mama when used as a name. You missed a beginning quotation mark and some commas. Having someone proof it for you would help that. Overall, I think it is fantastic and a fun read.
C D Swanson 01/05/12
Congratulations - Nice job. God Bless~