The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/25/05
You've done such a lovely job with the metaphor of the branch, that I wonder if this poem would work better without you spelling out the comparison to yourself. Let your readers figure out the application to life, and edit out the lines about chores, hymns, etc. The picture of the thirsty tree is beautifully written.
10/30/05
You have a talent with figurative language, work on stucture, perhaps making this into a sonnet (14 lines, ten syllables per line plus rhyme scheme)