The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/01/11
Interesting story and very unique take on topic. Very descriptive and (for me) a little hard to follow. (My brain's doesn't seem to be wired for so much action, but after reading it a couple of times I started getting a better idea of what it was about).

With your open ending, I can't help wondering what it is Chip has been called to do. I take it, it's a spiritual matter, that what he experienced in the dream was a metaphor for what he is called to do in real life.

I must say, I really like this story, even if it was hard to get into at first. Again, that's probably me. I like dialogue better than action, and that's what really caught my attention at the end.
This was really good. The beginning drew me in immediately. I like the names you chose for your characters. The subtle play on computer Chip to take down a computer was brilliant.

My only complaint might be that you fell back on the familiar it was all a dream. With that said, I do believe God talks to us through our dreams. This was a fun, suspenseful, and fresh take on the topic. Well-done!
12/06/11
Very interesting ... and very nice work! I like the way you painted progressing scenes that led me on a journey.

In the middle of the story, you mentioned the computer named Solomon and that commented that using that label was "lame." I re-read the piece to be certain of my impression. You write the rest of the story as a story teller. That one section hit me as you were editorializing - giving an opinion. I don't know, I think it can be best to let the reader decide how lame the label was. Just my thoughts on that part.

Overall, this was an excellent piece!
Congratulations for ranking 7th in your level!