The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 749 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
10/24/05
I enjoyed your entry. It held my interest all the way through. The title didn't do the story justice though.
10/25/05
I really like this piece--the present tense works, and your style is lovely. The paragraph that begins "Day turns to night..." is sheer poetry. With a few edits (the present tense is not consistent throughout), this piece would be nearly perfect.
10/25/05
This was so real. I loved it. There were a few leftout words but otherwise great! I did get thrown by the temperature as 47 or so isn't a scorcher here! You must be outside of the states!
10/27/05
How scary! I'm glad the characters survived and their faith never waned. A very well constructed article:)
Ah, I'm guessing you're Australian because you have captured the bush, the heat, the bushfires, the terror, so vividly. It brought back memories. Is it true? My parents were caught in a bushfire as they celebrated their 40th wedding annviversary near the Blue Mountains.

I agree with the other comments. A little editing with tenses and punctuation and this piece would be perfect. Well done!
10/28/05
Very well told - I could almost feel the heat.
10/30/05
Early tense shifts threw me, I think this works in present tense, and at that the over use of short choppy sentences made a breathy quick pace. A verb here and there and some transitions would help
Well done, Denise! Your descriptions are vivid and powerful. I loved the contrast between your getaway with your husband and the intensity of the fire and fear for your life. You had me hooked from the first line through the end. Keep writing!
11/03/05
This was great. Lots of phrases were like poetry. I especially loved this paragraph:
"Day turns to night. Sunlight is smothered. Silence becomes a deafening roar. Green forest turns to liquid fire whirling, leaping. Each tree licked by flame instantly swallowed. Sobs punctuate the air."

I was right there in the library with you - finishing up right where you started. Well done!